Thursday, September 6, 2012

My Tummy Hurts

I have no idea what I am doing here. Have written several paragraphs that just get dumped ... seemingly all by themselves. What the .... ? I so wish I could get things to a point where this blogging business would be easy and enjoyable. At the moment I am holding my breath ... waiting for the words to disappear. Ha. This time they will stay because nothing I am writing here is of any consequence. Whatever.

Daughter, Chelsea, does a terrific job with her blog, it all looks so fashion forward and is fun to read. But then she is of the generation that grew up with all this fancy, dancy computer stuff. I am only halfway primed for this sort of thing and even as I write here my stomach is in knots. I hate not knowing what I am doing. I am afraid that if I hit the wrong button the entire blog with disappear and I'll have to start from scratch.

Contrast my potential posts to Chel's ... wow! She is in Spain! I am in a dumpy little apartment with the one view: an out of control tree that does the perfect job of hiding the sunsets from me. She is with people ... I spend most of my time alone. What on earth have I to write about? We shall see. But then this is not about entertaining anyone ... or finding readers for what I write. This is for moi. No one to talk to gets really old after awhile ... so I'll write (talk) here. About any ol' thing I want to talk about. And perhaps in the process something will come out of it ... or not. If nothing else let this be a practice should I become the bestselling author I so plan to be ... and then I'll need a professional blog and I'll want it to be found and read by millions and millions of people. So. Yes. This is good practice.

The title: The planet Saturn really is traveling through my 10th house, the career house, in my astrology chart. Fairly new in there and I suppose I've about two more years of it there, doing its thing. I am a bit concerned about the placement as Saturn tends to make or break one's reputation and career life while traveling here . . . but then how could it break my career life when I have none. I've only a job. And, in this climate I shouldn't use "only" as any job is a good thing. However, I know, as do the people who know me best, that it is time I get a career again . . . not just a job. I know it. And that is pressure. And all the doubts and fears raise their ugly heads . . . if I let them. And that I am doing solo ... makes it more difficult. Really solo in that I have no one to brainstorm with me. No one to bounce ideas off. Those things matter to me. But, it is what it is ... so I am supposing this is what is meant for me now ... and I am determined to prevail.

Embarrassing to be this age and about to START a career but hey! Wait just a minute! That is what my chart is telling me I am to do ... time to get serious about one's reason for being here ... find my niche it says. I am so ready. You have no idea. But to do it alone ... a theme here, I know, is just tough. And the scary part: I find it difficult to even picture myself with people again ... real friends ... the kind you talk to almost daily. People you actually plan to play with: golf, dine out, travel together. How is it that I have no one like that in my life? How did that happen? I have no idea. I honestly don't. It is a puzzlement for sure.

So... I will move forward, as the words are still in front of me ... and while this first attempt is bland and sounds a little negative ... it is about to be published .... and we shall keep going. Yes. And the cat, who has only now walked into my office, agrees. Destiny Cat. My buddy.

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